Conspiracy Theories of d.tech
Zephyr Lambeth | vlambeth23@dtechhs.org
Photo by Zephyr Lambeth | vlambeth23@dtechhs.org
What’s in the new d.tech lunches? Is there a monster in the slough? And is Joe Schneider’s room haunted? All of these are questions that absolutely everyone is definitely asking, and they are just begging to be answered.
Everyone is surely aware of the recent changes in d.tech’s school lunch service (See Katya Olshanky’s “Controversy Over New School Lunch Options” article on page 8), but could something more sinister have come with the new free, state-provided food? I asked d.tech in a survey if they think human meat might be in the new recipes, and more than half of respondents affirmed this. Could the meat be made of d.tech students caught violating the Yondr policy or skipping their referrals? What really goes on in those detention Flex periods? Whatever your opinion may be, I think we can all agree that those hamburger patties look pretty suspicious! Keep your eye out, lunch staff.
A popular area to eat said lunch is right near the Bay Trail, where another mystery may be dwelling. The Belmont Slough is about 9 miles long and runs through the city into the bay, but could something otherworldly be residing in it during high tide? Out of over 60 responses I received on my survey, at least 7 students say they definitely believe d.tech has its very own aquatic monster, while the majority 27 admit they are at least open to the possibility. One student believes our mystery monster is “just Larry taking a swim”, while others claim it is “a harbor seal, bro”. What may have been multiple seal sightings, however, have already led to a name being coined for our local legend: “His name is Mr. Frumples,” says Junior Izzy Martin.
Recently, I had the opportunity to talk with Spanish teacher Joe Schneider about the supposed haunting in his room. According to him, the hauntings first started at the beginning of cycle 3, when he walked into the room one day and found a doll resembling one in the book his class is reading, El Ekeko, attached to the board. Over the days following, the doll started to move to different places around the classroom, thoroughly freaking out Schneider. When he came in early one morning, a sign hung on the window reading “El último sacrificio”, which translates to “The ultimate sacrifice”. After that, the hauntings only proceeded to get worse, one day resulting in a pentagram made from the “El Ekeko” books with the doll standing in the middle of it, accompanied by a creepy printed-out picture. Over the next few weeks, the picture of the doll attached to Schneider’s board began to have black blood coming from its eyes and the word “sacrificio” was taped all over the classroom. Soon after, a second doll showed up, identical to the first but with blue coloring. It has since disappeared, but its red twin was last seen stuck in one of Schneider’s ceiling tiles.
But what really is el Ekeko? The book that Joe’s Spanish 2 class is reading, El Ekeko: Un Misterio Boliviano, is a Spanish book by Katie Baker that tells the story of Paco, a young Bolivian boy who discovers a doll that brings him whatever gifts he asks for. In Bolivian folklore, the Ekeko is a god of prosperity and good fortune. He commonly appears as a little statue of a man wearing a mustache, traditional Andean clothes, and carrying food, money, and other objects of prosperity. He can usually be found as an amulet on a necklace or sitting in a comfortable place in the house with money or cigarettes as offerings. As this tradition suggests, Ekeko is known as a positive symbol of good luck, so if you’re going by the official lore, it makes no sense why one would malevolently haunt a Spanish classroom.
However, the Ekeko doll isn’t the only thing plaguing Schneider’s room. He is often perplexed by even more strange happenings. Things like automatic paper towel dispensers going off at random times, students’ belongings mysteriously disappearing, flags falling off the wall straight into the trash can, and whiteboard marker holders losing their magnetism are all commonplace in room 103. Is there a possibility that d.tech has its very own ghost? Whatever the case, Schneider would like it out of his room, saying he does “want to, like, suss it out a little bit”. He does not intend to communicate with or disturb whatever is in his room, but is interested in having students or anyone more experienced with the paranormal come in to investigate or make contact.
Many of Schneider’s students often still throw the doll at him as a prank and claim he’s the one moving it around and doing the “haunting”, but Schneider says, “Why would I do that? It’s genuinely pretty scary.”. He thinks it is unlikely that a student is performing the hauntings as a prank, given that they still happen even when he is the last person to leave the building and one of the first to enter in the morning. Students are not allowed to enter the building before 7:30, when Schneider arrives, and he claims he locks his door at night. “I guess anything’s possible,” he says.
In the late 2021-22 school year, you may have noticed mysterious ciphers popping up around school. Similar to the school-wide puzzles from this year’s Geocaching Intersession class, these ciphers were often hidden in specific locations around the school like the front desk, the ping-pong tables, etc., and each one would lead you to the next. These ciphers were made by Sophomore Jayden Santos and were originally part of a plot to figure out DRG instructor Nick Barella’s birthday. Santos used the pigpen cipher, a simple geometric cipher, to encode messages that led to websites with riddles. Once decoded, participants would have to solve the riddle on the website to find more links or locations around the school. Though all of Santos’ class attempted to solve the ciphers, only one person discovered Nick’s birthday. Santos says, “One of my friends, Abraham, he was the one who solved the case [of] Nick’s birthday. [...] He ended up just taking the easy route. He emailed Nick’s dad.” Santos assumes that not many people were able to solve all of them as it was nearing the end of the year and people were more prone to giving up, but he did tell me he had begun planning another cipher project, this time school-wide. Unfortunately, the project was dropped for lack of traction or a concrete topic. More may be coming, but we will just have to wait and see.